Terrible twos? Or Astoundingly Autonomous?

Did you know that the “terrible twos” is not universal? In some developing countries, it’s viewed as “relatively smooth and harmonious (Mosier & Rogoff, 2003; Box 6-2).” It’s a well-known phrase that’s coming up more and more as I become close to starting a family. But, thinking back to my childhood; I’m not sure if it’s something my parents or family used growing up in an immigrant household. For good reason. In the United States, this stage is a normal sign for drive for autonomy. Toddlers are testing their limits as individuals, that they have control over the world, almost like new magical powers. It’s a trial and error of sorts, seeing how their ideas come into existence, making their own decisions. But this typically comes with the repercussions of a toddler yelling, “no!” Just for the sake of resisting authority. Almost all U.S. kids show some negativism to some degree, usually starting at age 2, peaking around 3.5/4 years old, and declining by about 6. If caregivers view this new found self-will as normal, and healthy for learning independence (not focusing on the stubbornness), it can help with teaching the child self-control and contributes to their sense of competence, avoiding excessive conflict. Easier said than done, but education and understanding of their development will help your child learn about themselves. 

Here are some research based guidelines that can help parents of toddlers discourage negativism and encourage socially acceptable behavior:

Be Flexible. Learn the child's natural rhythm’s and special likes and dislikes

Think of yourself as a safe harbor. With safe limits, from which a child can set out and discover the world, to which your toddler can come back to for support.

Make your home child friendly

With unbreakable objects that are safe to explore.

Avoid physical punishment. It’s often ineffective, and may result in more damage.

Offer a choice 

Even a limited choice can help, allow them some control. For example, “Would you like your bath now or after we read a book?”

Be consistent in enforcing necessary requests

Don't interrupt an activity unless absolutely necessary. Try to wait until the child's attention has shifted. If interruption is necessary, give warning. (“We have to go to the playground soon.”)

Suggest alternative activities when behavior becomes objectionable

For example, when a child is throwing sand in someone's face, say, “Look the swing is open!”

Suggest, don’t command

Accompany requests with smiles or hugs, not criticism, threats or physical restraint.

Link requests with pleasurable activities

(“It’s time to stop playing so that you can go to the store with me.”)

Remind the child of what you expect

For example, “when we go to the playground, we never go outside the gate.” Wait a few moments before repeating a request when a child doesn’t comply immediately.

Use a time-out to end conflicts

In a non-punitive way, remove either yourself or the child from a situation.

Expect less self-control during times of stress

(illness, divorce, the birth of a sibling, or a move to a new home).

Expect it to be harder for toddlers to comply with “do’s” than with “don’ts”

(“Clean up your room.” takes more effort than “Don’t write on furniture.”)

Keep the atmosphere as positive as possible

Make your child want to cooperate.

If you have any questions, book a free consultation with me and I will be happy to review with you!

Sources:

Haswell, Hock, & Wenar, 1981; Kochanska & Askan, 1995; Kopp, 1982; Kuczynski & Kochanska, 1995; Power & Chapieski 1986.

References:

Mosier, C.E., & Rogoff, B. (2003). Privileged treatment of toddlers: Cultural aspects of individual choice and responsibility. Developmental Psychology, 39, 1047-1060.

What's the Best Pre-K?

With this new school year starting, many families are concerned with education and how it may affect their children. As each family is making a careful decision, I want to shed some light into how kids may benefit from learning. It’s a unique time, with concern for child safety; But I hope to help parents understand what research has shown in terms of efficacy of different learning techniques, and some resources to help their decision.

Early Childhood Education

When it comes to education, there are usually a few different trains of thought. In other countries, they may apply an academic preparatory theory for schools. While the U.S. sticks to a more child centered philosophy following a social and emotional growth in line with developmental needs, and strong cognitive emphasis with Piaget and Maria Montessori Theories. You may have heard more about Montessori based schools; letting children learn naturally in a child driven, thoughtfully prepared environment. Piaget is a Child Developmental Psychologist that introduced a cognitive development model that determined stages of how children represent and reason with the world; helping us understand how our children learn best at different ages. 

How do we improve education?

There is a debate on how to improve education, with pressure for instruction in academic skills as early as Pre-K in the U.S. Supporters of developmental theories and approaches report that the push for academic skills neglects child need for exploration and free play. This disrupts the self-initiated learning by relying too much on teacher initiated learning. I think we all learn best in environments that motivates and interests us, the approach to learning can make all the difference. 

 What’s best for our kiddos?

U.S. Studies support child centered, developmental approach. One study (Marcon, 1999) had 721 4-5 year olds that had three types of class; Child Initiated, Academic Directed, and Middle of the Road (blend of the two). The Child Initiated group actively directed their own learning, and excelled in basic academic skills, more advanced motor skills (compared to the two other groups), and scored higher than the Middle of the Road group in behavior and communication skills. This suggests that one philosophy for education can work better than a blend (like the Middle of the Road group), and child centered learning is more effective than Academic Directed. This doesn’t necessarily apply to 100% of kiddos, everyone learns differently, but we want to report the majority of the findings to better understand what may work best.

How can Occupational Therapy help?

Occupational Therapy practice is a child centered approach that creates goals and a treatment plan to make sure the child is getting the most effective treatment. We use theories, similar to Piaget and Maria Montessori to help guide their learning and make it effective for learning. If your child is having trouble with the upcoming school year, and you find them falling behind on certain skills, we may be able to help you with specific skills necessary for school tasks. Give us a call and schedule your consultation on our home page, we’re happy to talk to you!